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This week we brought Whiskers to see Mom again. Don't worry he was in his cat carrier before we started driving but I can't get over how comfy he is on these visits!

He wasn't in a cuddly mood but he did give Mom some love and she shared some chicken with him.

Whiskers situated himself front and center and held court for all the folks who went by. Later the kids took him on a tour to meet and greet. I'm wondering if he might become a therapy cat someday.

We often draw pictures with Mom but this time she couldn't think of anything to draw so my niece made up a colouring sheet for her instead. Next time we'll bring a colouring book (one of the things she loved to do with us as kids was colour) and for sure we'll bring a yellow marker because the one we had didn't work and that was a problem.

Mom left for a few minutes to use the washroom and when she came back (we had to remind her we were there as she would have forgotten) I noticed that her stomach was extremely distended and so I was worried that her hernia had somehow become worse.

I worried until Mom pulled this book our from under her shirt and we had a great laugh about it!

I wish I could leave it there. We had a nice visit but only when we could distract Mom from her worries that she really needed to get home to milk her cow. More and more Mom feels she needs to leave this place and go "home." Sadly even if we took her to another place I don't think it would ever really be home. She worries that she is going to miss her ride and be left behind. She told me that she stole the book from "some woman's room." That's sad to me because we've been lucky up till now that she usually felt that her room was her home. Imagine worrying that you are sleeping in someone else's bed and what they are going to say to you when they find you there.

This week there were more times when I realized that I completely forgot some ordinary things, something I never would have done in the past. It's comforting when people my age tell me that they too forget little things a lot, and I've always said that as long as you can remember that you forget you are okay. But it still makes me think and worry and admire my mother for how well she handles her life. And watching her and the other people around her also makes me sure that I don't want to live that kind of life.

Gimme a Q Not a G

Today my neighbour friend and I went to visit and quilt with Mom. It was a great success, though the actual quilting would certainly not stand up to much scrutiny but who cares! Mom lasted longer than we did and was still happily quilting when we left. It's too bad we couldn't bring Mom along on the little shopping spree we went on after we left her, she would have had fun too with that big old fake bear in the antique shop!

It was really nice to see Mom totally engaged in the quilting. She was in a much less fearful mood than she had been the last few times I saw her.

Guilt is something I've struggled with my whole life, and Mom used to be pretty good at pushing that button for me whether she meant to or not. The town where she lives has an annual quilt show, and nine times out of ten I read the sign: guilt show. It's a fairly useless emotion though, feels a lot better just to do as much as I can to help her with an open heart and leave the guilt at the door.

More to Life

I had a really really fun day today! Some good friends and I went cross border shopping (I'm a Canadian.) When I got home I wrote a description of my day as a Facebook note. I was thinking it might be fun to share on a blog too but as this is my only personal blog I didn't really think it was appropriate since it had nothing to do with Alzheimers or my mother.

Then I realized that it did. On the drive down I off handedly referred to Thanksgiving having just passed when I actually meant Easter. And there it was, the GONG of fear. That's the first thing my mother lost, her sense of months and seasons. It was the ONLY reason her doctor believed us that she was loosing her memory.

However just because the gong of fear went off doesn't mean I did not have a great day, and certainly my life and even my mother's life are not entirely controlled by Alzheimers or the fear of it because it is something that has happened but it is not who we are.

Today:

I had a GREAT day shopping in the USA today! The line ups at the border were not to be sneezed at but who really cares when you have good friends to spend the time with in the car? Not me!

Some people thought we were going over because of the state of the Loony but we are not that sophisticated, we just wanted to go to the Olive Garden and go shopping. In that order!

Well today because we left so early we went to Walmart first and braved the Surly Senior Greeters. Because I was not looking for a bathing suit, I found one for $16. Can I just say that this bathing suit is black. It is not black with gigantor pink hibiscus festively arranged all over it, or big smiling kittens - another perennial favorite of designers for the large. It was black. Only. Black.

And it cost $16!

For that I'll step past a Surly Greeter at the door anytime!

Okay so then we went to the Olive Garden and just missed the big crowds. Something seemed to be up with the servers as there were at times 3 people asking us the same questions in rapid succession which became a little disconcerting. They apologized each time and hinted that there was something "new" going on and asked for our patience. Wasn't a big problem from our point of view as it was the opposite of waiting around for NO service.

Our main server kept hinting at "something going on" and by the end our our meal just couldn't hold back any longer to tell me that there was a "corporate takeover going on."

I had no idea how to react and I believe that I may have given her a helpful reply such as: "Oh."

Here's hoping that nothing big changes because the whole point of the Olive Garden for me is it's predictability. If they change the salad dressing I may have to sue.

ANYWAY back to shopping.

We headed over to Dick's Sporting Goods and do you know what? I found the pool hand weights that I was looking for! They had THREE different kinds to choose from instead of never having heard of them! They did not however sell Cat Crap (a swimming goggle anti fogging gel) but they DID sell an iPod speaker case for $9.99!

Now. The ONLY reason I knew what it was was that my nephew got one yesterday or I would have obliviously passed it by. This amazing device takes my iPod use to new and exciting heights. ie it is now no longer only a handy device to play Solitaire on! This next part is going to reveal my true age. I really can't stand sticking speakers into my ears. I recognize that iPod speakers have fantastic quality, and the extra special ones YOU HAVE are probably nice and soft and REALLY GREAT! However. I do not like sticking anything except a Q tip into my ear. I didn't like sticking my transistor radio (look it up) speaker into my ear or my Walkman (just trust me) speakers into my ears. Nup. Do not like it.

Sure it is no longer a personal playing device but now if and when I am ever able to walk as a form of exercise I will be ready with music and Ricky Gervais podcasts. If it could play under water I would happily strap it to the top of my head and jump in.

Okay if there are any gentlemen reading this, this may be the point where you want to jump off cause I'm going to talk about bra shopping. Nothing too serious but ladies if you think a $16 bathing suit is a miracle, try finding 4 bras that you actually don't hate! That is my highest praise for a bra. "Don't hate it" is the very best I can do. Especially for one that only costs $14.

You know how there are specialty bra stores where 4 old Germanic women with handlebar mustaches huddle around you in a change room with tape measures and it makes you think of the episode on Friends where Chandler goes to Joey's tailor?

Well that's NOT what happened today. I grabbed a bra and went into the change room. All the doors were locked so I stood in the lobby of the change room and put the bra on over my sweater. It seemed to fit so I took it off and bought 4 bras one size smaller.

I highly recommend this method as being an almost painless way to buy a bra.

Somewhere in a small dark change room 4 old hirsute German women are shuddering and making the sign of the cross.

So here's a picture of some of my favorite things that I bought today. Please note that while I detest large pink hibiscus flowers on my bathing suits, I LOVE them on a new swim bag!

Easter Bonnet Sunday

Whiskers on his way to visit Grandma

Mom decorated this nice hat in a craft class

Her room looked nice and springy!

Whiskers had another great visit

Mom made me a birthday card that I will cherish.

My sister and my niece made a beautiful card for Mom

Mom and my sister

Had a good visit with Mom on Sunday. From the pictures it all looks like sweetness and light, but Mom was actually quite anxious a lot of the time we were there, recounting having walked for miles and miles and not being able to "get home." This turned into her expressing that she had many scary dreams of not getting to her house and she told us over and over that she was grateful that we had found her.

I'm really hoping that this was just a bout of "sundowning"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sundowning_(dementia)

and that she is not that anxious most of the time. I'm glad that she goes to a lot of activities to keep her occupied.

I'm hoping to get in to quilt with her tomorrow so we'll see how that goes!