Even

Quality of life. My mother still has it. Things have pretty much been the same lately. Mom has not been ill and so is operating at a fairly good level. She's at all the in house activities and doesn't seem to be sad.

The other week I had my nieces and nephew out for some fun and we stopped in at Mom's to do some cookie decorating. Mom was so enthused that she almost wrestled the cookie container away from my nephew so we could get started. She hasn't lost her creativity or sense of humour. When I told her she was a cookie decorating expert she held up her hand, laughed and said, "And I'm wearing that expertize all over my fingers!"

I feel guilty that I don't visit more often and I would if she were distressed or ill. Right now we're on an even keel, a lull, but you never really stop waiting for the phone call that will tell you that she's sick again and then you gather up your energy and resources and wade in for the battle.

Better Than Okay

I'm a little fearful of saying this but here goes. Mom is doing quite well! She seems much more happy and content and I think we've learned quite conclusively that when the behaviors start we need to investigate her health and pain levels.

These pictures are typical of visits lately. Last year they installed a really beautiful garden walkway along most of the front of the building and it really does feel like sitting in a park. Lots of shade and little area's where you can have a private conversation or you can gather in the main group. But the main thing is the flowers, Mom could talk about them for hours, and enjoys each one anew every few minutes!

I am so thankful for better than okay!

Okay

Mom is doing better again and I think we are back to "normal." On Friday she had a bad evening where she refused to eat, spit out her pain med even though she was crying out with pain, and pushed a staff person. We will be watching her pain level more closely because I think that was the main problem. My brother went in and stayed with her and she calmed down and ate enough food so she could have her insulin. The staff member that Mom pushed had her fingers in Mom's mouth because she thought she might be choking and had seemed to kind of pass out. When Mom came to there was someone with their fingers in her mouth. I'm just glad it was a push rather than a severe bite which it could have been.

I don't think that the front line workers at nursing homes get enough praise or recognition. Yes, some are better at it than others, but it's still never easy and the rewards fairly fleeting.

So this is me saying thank you and I'll say it again loud and clear next week at the family meeting at her home!

Mother's Day

From a memory jogging calender my sister brought Mom a few years ago.

Love you!

Mom's hanging in there. She didn't end up having to go to the hospital and we're hoping the increased pain and mood problems will be resolved as the pain of the bladder infection decrease. Pain on top of everything else just doesn't seem fair but Mom would be the last person to complain about anything like that.

Worry

Yesterday the place where Mom lives called to say that she has a bladder infection again and they've started her on medication for it. Mom is often up during the night so maybe that's why just now when I went to see her she had crawled into bed and wouldn't get up or talk much. I happened to get there right when a Mother's day tea party was starting but between 3 of us trying we couldn't get her to get out of bed for it and she's not usually one to miss activities unless she's sick. I didn't get quite as gruff a "get lost" as the staff did.

But who knows in an hour or two she could be up and about again. I asked her if she was in pain and she said yes and when I asked what hurt she said "all over." And it's a wet damp cold day so that could be it too.

I'm just really hoping this isn't a precursor to the problem with her electrolytes that landed her in the hospital 3 times in the last year.

I let the nurses know about what she said about the pain and they thanked me and told me that Mom has a blood test every week to check her electrolytes, and the last test was just today so that's good so we can stay on top of the sodium level in her blood and hopefully unlike last year we can keep her out of the hospital this Mother's Day!

Home

This week we brought Whiskers to see Mom again. Don't worry he was in his cat carrier before we started driving but I can't get over how comfy he is on these visits!

He wasn't in a cuddly mood but he did give Mom some love and she shared some chicken with him.

Whiskers situated himself front and center and held court for all the folks who went by. Later the kids took him on a tour to meet and greet. I'm wondering if he might become a therapy cat someday.

We often draw pictures with Mom but this time she couldn't think of anything to draw so my niece made up a colouring sheet for her instead. Next time we'll bring a colouring book (one of the things she loved to do with us as kids was colour) and for sure we'll bring a yellow marker because the one we had didn't work and that was a problem.

Mom left for a few minutes to use the washroom and when she came back (we had to remind her we were there as she would have forgotten) I noticed that her stomach was extremely distended and so I was worried that her hernia had somehow become worse.

I worried until Mom pulled this book our from under her shirt and we had a great laugh about it!

I wish I could leave it there. We had a nice visit but only when we could distract Mom from her worries that she really needed to get home to milk her cow. More and more Mom feels she needs to leave this place and go "home." Sadly even if we took her to another place I don't think it would ever really be home. She worries that she is going to miss her ride and be left behind. She told me that she stole the book from "some woman's room." That's sad to me because we've been lucky up till now that she usually felt that her room was her home. Imagine worrying that you are sleeping in someone else's bed and what they are going to say to you when they find you there.

This week there were more times when I realized that I completely forgot some ordinary things, something I never would have done in the past. It's comforting when people my age tell me that they too forget little things a lot, and I've always said that as long as you can remember that you forget you are okay. But it still makes me think and worry and admire my mother for how well she handles her life. And watching her and the other people around her also makes me sure that I don't want to live that kind of life.

Gimme a Q Not a G

Today my neighbour friend and I went to visit and quilt with Mom. It was a great success, though the actual quilting would certainly not stand up to much scrutiny but who cares! Mom lasted longer than we did and was still happily quilting when we left. It's too bad we couldn't bring Mom along on the little shopping spree we went on after we left her, she would have had fun too with that big old fake bear in the antique shop!

It was really nice to see Mom totally engaged in the quilting. She was in a much less fearful mood than she had been the last few times I saw her.

Guilt is something I've struggled with my whole life, and Mom used to be pretty good at pushing that button for me whether she meant to or not. The town where she lives has an annual quilt show, and nine times out of ten I read the sign: guilt show. It's a fairly useless emotion though, feels a lot better just to do as much as I can to help her with an open heart and leave the guilt at the door.