I've missed a whole year. Not a lot has changed and yet if I look back there are clues that Mom is losing ground physically, intellectually and age wise. The picture above won a little calendar contest at a nursing home. I'm proud of it but prouder of the kids for so clearly loving their Grandmother just as she is and for Mom for fighting so hard to keep remembering us most of the time and being loving about it when she can't. I understand intellectually that it is really just a game of luck that allows one person with Alzheimers to keep their social graces while others lose that capacity, but it still feels like it is something she is working very very hard to keep so she can be with us for the moments that we are with her.
Mom has a bad cold and I feel bad because I have not visited her - I know that it would not be smart for me to get sick as I tend to get very sick when I do. But I still want to go be with her and hold her hand because she is becoming very young and when you're little you want someone to hold your hand when you are sick. I try to call but even though I know she is confined to her room due to illness she does not pick up her phone. That is something new, losing the instinct to talk and pick up the phone is significant I think.
Last night I dreamed that Dad came and took her home. It was lovely to be with him for a while even if it was just a dream. Even though we have essentially lost the person she was for more than a decade and having been mourning this loss heavily all the while, and even though I want Dad to come and take Mom home, it's still not going to be easy when it happens.
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