Mother's Day

My sister and her family and I had a really nice visit with Mom on Mother's day and I made this video:

http://www.vimeo.com/23457883

I'll be honest though, lately I think a lot about how unfair it is that Mom is still having to live like this. Yes, we're fortunate that she's content with her life as it is, but what choice does she really have? A hundred small indignities and some large ones each and every day. No she doesn't remember them but she lives them with startling anewness each time they happen.

I know it could be so much worse. She could be unhappy and scared and I'm so glad that she doesn't seem to be, but still when she turned 80 the year my Dad passed away we never dreamed that she'd still be here with us (kind of) 5 years later - more than 11 years into full Alzheimers. I just feel like there should be some sort of limit to what a person has to endure and continue to be awed at the grace with with my mother faces her days.

I have to borrow some of that grace from her because a lot of the time I just don't have it. I don't ever want to have to live like that.

Changes

Last visit Mom didn't really recognize my 10 year old nephew because he's changed so much lately but she accepted his love anyway and took us at our word. We realized that Mom's had Alzheimers the entire time Caleb has been alive but there's been no stopping the love. Other people's brains are affected differently and lose the ability to relate so we realize we are very fortunate in this!

Here's a little movie that came out of that visit:

http://www.vimeo.com/19247069

http://www.vimeo.com/19247069

Ooops

So. I usually kind of pride myself at figuring things out for Mom. Listening to what she says and trying to figure out what it means. Well for a number of years now she's been telling me that her window is open because she can feel the screen. When she'd tell me that I'd help her to feel that the window was on the other side of the screen so it couldn't be open. She would immediately forget what I told her and tell me again that the window was open because she could feel the screen.

I mentioned to my brother that maybe we should take the screen off and put it away for the winter so it wouldn't bother Mom. He was happy to do that but when he took the screen away he took a closer look and saw that the window latch is broken and there is indeed a slight crack that has been letting in the cold. For years! No wonder Mom has always kept the curtain shut on that side of the window.

In my defense, Mom never once mentioned being cold or that she felt a breeze, just that the window must be open because she could feel the screen. I'm also happy that the curtains are fabric lined with heavy plastic that would have kept the breeze at bay.

The nursing home was happy to fix it right away.

I just wish I had listened a little better. It's hard when most of what she says doesn't make any sense at all to remember that sometimes she's right on the money.

Christmas 2010

We had a really good Christmas. Mom was able to come out to our family day on boxing day and enjoyed herself till about 4pm when she headed out the door of the party room and was headed home no matter what so we drove her home. Last year she wanted to stay for the whole time but I'm glad she was happy for at least a few hours.

My reward for helping her make the white snowflakes to give out was that about the fourth time I went in to work on them with her she said: "Oh there's our stars!" when I pulled them out. I never expected her to remember them at all. Of course when I gave them to her to give them out she didn't remember them, but I'm grateful for that one time that she did.

About a week before Christmas I attended a church service with Mom at her nursing home. It was headed by the three pastors of the three churches in the small town she lives in. That's her in the top picture enjoying reading the Christmas carols. She especially enjoyed Joy To The World and kept reading it even after the minister began his talk. Right in the middle she called out loudly, "Repeat the sounding joy! Repeat the sounding joy!"

Behavior like that would have been devastating to her before Alzheimers but is pretty much par for the course at a nursing home. The minister was not bothered in the slightest. Later in her room she told me that there were children down the hall practicing carols and Dana (one of her now grown up grand children) called out loudly right in the middle of a minister's talk! I'm glad she assigned the gaff to a child in her mind and didn't remember doing it herself.

There's a lot of flu and cold going around and we hope Mom doesn't get sick but I think she would gladly take the risk no matter what to be around her family and we had a pretty great Christmas!

Here's the movie:

http://www.vimeo.com/18204425

Sew Sew

Mom is doing well. Last year this time she was in the hospital. I remember because that's where she was when we did our annual craft to give out at the family Christmas. This year we can do it in the comfort of her home. I will never stop being grateful that she considers her nursing home as home most of the time. She has her bad days where she feels she needs to leave but for the most part she is content - such a gift! When I talk to friends who's parents suffer from strong paranoia and delusions that the people in the next room are coming to chop their heads off or that there is an on going earthquake happening they feel so helpless to comfort their parents.

Mom and I shared supper then we got to work on this year's Christmas craft. I was amazed again by how fleeting her short term memory is when she sewed. I had thought that a simple basting stitch around the edge of the snowflake would be easiest for her to do but she was stuck on the blanket stitch and if I had wanted it to look perfect I would have had to tell her with every single stitch what to do. That certainly wasn't something that I was going to do and sewing was actually pretty tough for her manually and so the middle snowflake in the picture above became the most special because it's the only one she'll actually sew. I'm selfish enough that it will become mine.

This is a little movie I put together of last night's visit:

http://www.vimeo.com/17787741

Thanks for your faithful readership Viki, how are you and your family doing?

Even

Quality of life. My mother still has it. Things have pretty much been the same lately. Mom has not been ill and so is operating at a fairly good level. She's at all the in house activities and doesn't seem to be sad.

The other week I had my nieces and nephew out for some fun and we stopped in at Mom's to do some cookie decorating. Mom was so enthused that she almost wrestled the cookie container away from my nephew so we could get started. She hasn't lost her creativity or sense of humour. When I told her she was a cookie decorating expert she held up her hand, laughed and said, "And I'm wearing that expertize all over my fingers!"

I feel guilty that I don't visit more often and I would if she were distressed or ill. Right now we're on an even keel, a lull, but you never really stop waiting for the phone call that will tell you that she's sick again and then you gather up your energy and resources and wade in for the battle.

Better Than Okay

I'm a little fearful of saying this but here goes. Mom is doing quite well! She seems much more happy and content and I think we've learned quite conclusively that when the behaviors start we need to investigate her health and pain levels.

These pictures are typical of visits lately. Last year they installed a really beautiful garden walkway along most of the front of the building and it really does feel like sitting in a park. Lots of shade and little area's where you can have a private conversation or you can gather in the main group. But the main thing is the flowers, Mom could talk about them for hours, and enjoys each one anew every few minutes!

I am so thankful for better than okay!