What will be will be

Hello

My name is Ruthe and I am just feeling my way in starting this blog. I'm not sure what it will turn out like.

Mostly I think it will be my place to deal with the fact that my mother has Alzheimer's, hence the name of the blog.

The biggest question I have about this blog is who I should open it up to. Although I have come up with some good ideas to help my mother, particularly with the use of pictures, I don't think that this will always be a consistently up beat "let's all help each other with good ideas" kind of blog. Maybe that's the most helpful thing I can do. Just create a place where it's safe to be real about Alzheimer's. A place where you can be upbeat and helpful, but you don't have to be.

A place to be honest.

Alzheimer's is a soul sucking disease. It robs everyone, including the sufferer, of a person's life years before they die. But there's beauty and triumph too. And it's all about solving mysteries, searching for clues to how you can help break through the memory barriers because although there are specific categories of memory loss, every person's brain is different and each of our loved ones respond differently.

Maybe your secret is that you can hardly force yourself to visit your family member that has Alzheimer's, the change is just too depressing. Or maybe you think sometimes that it would just be so much better for everyone if they died. Maybe every time you lose your car keys you worry that "it" is starting for you and you resent that Alzheimer's is in your family tree.

Let me start the honesty by revealing my biggest secret about my mother's illness. I've never heard or read of anyone else saying this. I like my mother more now. I find it easier to be around her than before. Much of the difficult push and pull and strain of our mother daughter relationship has eased. I no longer fear disappointing her and that has freed me to be more open with her and to find real joy in helping her make the best her difficult life situation. She doesn't nag me about coming around oftener because she can't remember how long it's been since I visited. And so of course, I visit her more. She needs me and that's easier than needing her.

No lightning from the sky! So I'll just add the disclaimer that everything I express in this blog is personal opinion and will certainly not apply to everyone, and we'll see where it takes us!

Edited to add:

It is the truth that my Mother and I get along better now. It is also the truth is that I would give anything to have my Mother not have this disease. I wouldn't care if we argued every day for the rest of our lives. I miss HER terribly.