Hindsight

Mom is..... I don't even know how to finish that sentence. The first picture makes her look so healthy and happy. And it was wonderful to see her laugh at something she was reading. But reading has become a compulsion. It amazes me that she still comprehends what she is reading at a slow painful but dogged pace. She hasn't regained much if any of the ground she lost during her last illness, even her speaking voice has changed.

I've said before that I don't test Mom's memory but lately it's been a diagnostic test to see if she remembers us or not. Now that I know she doesn't I won't test her anymore. If she does find her way back to remembering who I am I will receive it as the precious gift that it is.

I don't know why I needed to document the exact moment I knew for sure I was gone from her memory but nevertheless I did and here it is:

http://www.vimeo.com/9243505

I was kind of expecting Mom to not know who I was but it was quite a surprise that she did not remember her own name. I think it has been a titanic effort to remember us and I am honoured that she kept us with her as long as she kept her self. The picture at the top of this post is my attempt to help her with that. She will likely take it down off the wall like she has many other pictures but I had to try.

I wonder if it will now be kinder to call her Melinda rather than Mom. I think so because she should not need to be reminded that she has misplaced her loved ones.