My family was fortunate that Mom never drove so we didn't have to take away the car keys - such a hard blow on a person's independence, and such a huge worry if it can't be easily done.
My Dad was pretty good about accepting that there had to be changes to their living arrangements but even he had denial until Mom forgot where they were to meet one day and he had to call the Police to find her. She was happily having a coffee at MacDonald's a mile away from where he had left her but until he knew that, it was an awful helpless feeling.
Before they moved one of the hardest things I did was call the parents of the little girl Mom loved to baby sit and tell them that it was probably not safe to leave their child alone with her anymore. I felt terribly guilty to be going behind Mom's back especially since she loved that child like her own, but I couldn't have lived with myself if something happened. By that point leaving the burner on while quilting upstairs was happening a lot.
When they did move to an assisted living facility Dad took the brunt of Mom's anger and depression. She had no concept that she was ill and blamed everything on him and his failing physical health. Sometimes I wonder if my Dad would have lived a little longer if Mom wasn't ill but when it gets really stressful taking care of Mom 24\7 when she's in the hospital I think of him and how glad he would be that we are there for her.
I am SO fortunate to have 6 wonderful siblings and many grown up nieces and nephews that all take a very active part in helping Mom. I don't want to give the impression that I am doing it all by ANY stretch of the imagination and if you are the only or one of only a few people caring for a person with Alzheimer's my heart totally goes out to you. I don't know how you do it. I really don't.
1 comment:
I came across your blog and just wanted you to know that I feel for you and your family, My best friend , my mother in law of almost 50 years passed away from complications of Alzheimer 3 years ago, It is a terrible disease ,I was one of her care givers until we were no longer able to have her at home, She was happy in the rest home and we looked forward to the few times that she would remember one of us , She was one of three sisters in the same rest home, one had a stroke and was there for 9 years , brain good but body would not move, another sister had demintions and sundowers , All three passed in one year and I also lost my mom who was healthy , lived at home at 99 years old, all in the same year,, gosh , did not mean to run on but do want you to know that I am sending prayers your way
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